tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post2692292906646952524..comments2023-10-28T15:22:39.389+00:00Comments on What can't be looked for: Wordsmiths Challenge - The second time out..Craverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13162735846773014967noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-57893308778209152492007-07-11T22:31:00.000+00:002007-07-11T22:31:00.000+00:00Holy crap.Spectacular.Since I got here so farking ...Holy crap.<BR/><BR/>Spectacular.<BR/><BR/>Since I got here so farking late, I don't have much to add... mesmerizing, check. Goldfish, check. Insignificant but revelatory detail in the turtle, check.<BR/><BR/>Great story, write more please.Biff Spiffyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12779819218871812658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-17845464645511854382007-06-29T20:00:00.000+00:002007-06-29T20:00:00.000+00:00Oh Nice! And the best part... she is now free to ...Oh Nice! And the best part... she is now free to move back to Manhattan!<BR/><BR/>OK, so in the spirit of Wordsmiths... the critiquey part:<BR/><BR/>I loved the goldfish image. I think it's probably been used a lot, but geez, it just fit so well... who cares if others have used it?<BR/><BR/>As a whole, I thought this flowed quite well. I had a hard time deciding if I liked the single sentences breaking up long paragraphs. Finally, I decided that I did. I think it's a goot effect and breaks up some of the tension.<BR/><BR/>Good stuff!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-85384502829574578192007-06-25T01:02:00.000+00:002007-06-25T01:02:00.000+00:00I liked that! Good one. I do take exception to th...I liked that! Good one. <BR/><BR/>I do take exception to this:<BR/><BR/>"She ran to one of the nondescript square states in the middle of the country, to a nondescript town filled with nondescript houses on nondescript streets."<BR/><BR/>You have her on my block, but you didn't mention my name!Royhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13374537094067415065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-1121435265494603002007-06-24T15:37:00.000+00:002007-06-24T15:37:00.000+00:00Excellent! And I was right there with the letter o...Excellent! And I was right there with the letter opener, driving it in hard! LOLkenjuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07342414519714356343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-52596170637540623252007-06-23T19:15:00.000+00:002007-06-23T19:15:00.000+00:00Just because I'm honest doesn't mean I'm not nice,...Just because I'm honest doesn't mean I'm not nice, but I do kinda like the reputation.<BR/><BR/>This creeped me out, so you must have been successful. I love how the turtle made and insignificant appearance, thereby pointing out the seriousness of the rest of the piece, while at the same time indicating the protagonist's nature. She could have stepped on it, or not noticed it. It gives depth. I'm not sure you intended it, but the muse stuck something in there.<BR/><BR/>I don't have much overly critical to say, other than the death at the end was kind of telegraphed early on. I don't know how you could do it differently, though.<BR/><BR/>Great job!<BR/><BR/>(See? I'm not really a mean bastard.)Kingfisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13207427729752082984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-62256367987122793492007-06-22T00:29:00.000+00:002007-06-22T00:29:00.000+00:00Oooohhhh... Very nice.Oooohhhh... Very nice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-73155334949680932912007-06-21T18:29:00.000+00:002007-06-21T18:29:00.000+00:00See, Kerry can play nice!The fiction element is fi...See, Kerry can play nice!<BR/><BR/>The fiction element is fine, Cravey. You write quite well. <BR/><BR/>I've often wondered with this type fiction though how in 'ell the villians find the peope hiding. I'd think that it'd be easy to stay hidden if you had the money to hide well in the first place. Lots of authors raking in the big bucks use this plot technique so I guess people like it.utenzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15988445461413550750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-21691602878038699982007-06-21T16:06:00.000+00:002007-06-21T16:06:00.000+00:00i wanna know more. now.now.now. now.now.i wanna know more. <BR/>now.<BR/>now.<BR/>now. <BR/>now.<BR/>now.Her Roo-nesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01848207009528795585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-1749342869143432782007-06-21T11:37:00.000+00:002007-06-21T11:37:00.000+00:00Go Cravey!This has a somewhat mezmerizing quality ...Go Cravey!<BR/><BR/>This has a somewhat mezmerizing quality - the repeated descriptors speak to a kind of mental blandness o nthe part of the protagonist. Not sure if that was the intent. Using simple words does indicate singularity of purpose (to my mind) so bigger words would have cluttered up to flow.<BR/><BR/>One thought: because you have 5 words yet to use (yes, I counted), would you consider adding "into his chest" to the stabbing sentence? It would maybe clarify where that daggone letter opener is going,and how very much anger she has to expend.<BR/><BR/>Also, might want to reconsider her wiping the letter opener clean if she's going to chuck it in the ocean anyhow. I thought "what's she wiping if off ON?". The sentence reads fine without that added action, and would give you 5 more words to use someplace else if you wanted to.<BR/><BR/>Them's my two bits of critique.<BR/><BR/>What I liked: the calm tension, the deliberateness. This woman has had quite enough and takes matters into her own hands. Not that I'm condoning murder, but it's possible to see how someone could go there to preserve a life they've struggled for.tiffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01351692108818152561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-378074098323574416.post-26434262171997364652007-06-21T00:22:00.000+00:002007-06-21T00:22:00.000+00:00Whoa.Whoa.rennratthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08258514296905380163noreply@blogger.com