As previously posted, I’m sick, and while I appreciate all of you who encouraged me to say damn the drought and take a bath, I didn’t. I have way too many issues with water conservation to pack it all in for one cold.
The cold is still with me, and with the cold comes the cranky. I am absolutely at my worst when I don’t feel good. If there was ever a litmus test for if someone loved me it would have to be forcing them to spend the length of a cold with me. I’m sure that may be grounds for justifiable homicide.
1. Being a person who immediately fell in love with the handy-ness of electronic transactions I am increasingly frustrated with the 47.2 questions I now have to answer when trying to do my ‘fast ‘ checkout. For the record, I just want gas. I do not need a receipt, a car wash, a shoe shine, or my teeth flossed. JUST GAS.
2. If your job involves being two inches or less from my face – I have one request – breath mints - I mean, I love you, I love the way you wax my eyebrows, I come back every couple of weeks, I way over tip you….would a breath mint kill you? Are you allergic to peppermint?
3. I keep seeing my neighbors ‘walking’ their children. Or more correctly, the parents are walking and the kids are being pulled in wagons. I am not making this up and I do not get it. In this day and age of rampant childhood obesity, would it kill Chad and Muffy to walk around the block? Isn’t the point of sending children outside to make them run around, get tired and stop all that squealing? How can they get tired if you are pulling them? You only have yourselves to blame.
4. Can anyone tell me why there are 657 types of bacon? Isn’t it all just tasty fatty pig parts? I just want bacon. Plain old regular bacon.
5. I am many things, none of them is a meth cook. I am buying this much cold medicine because I am SICK – which should be evident by the hacking cough and the runny snotty nose. I am not supplying my little suburban neighborhood with meth. Yes, you can see my ID, but seriously, put your best-agent-Mulder-trust-no one-look away, I am not impressed or intimidated by you and you super-sleuth skills there.
Being sick sucks and if one more person asks me who I’ve been kissing to get this cold, I’m not only going to punch them in the head I’m calling in TL and her spoons.