Monday, January 21, 2008

Staci's quote

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...”
Marianne Williamson

One of my sister-friends has this quote in it’s entirety on her web page. I’ve gone to her page to read it once a week now for about a month. I keep coming back to it - there is something here for me.

I’ve been accused on more than one occasion of being “dark and twisty” and I can’t totally disagree. Left to wander in my own mind, I tend to lean heavily towards the dark, the worst-case scenario, even when it brings me to tears, as it often does. I don’t know when this started, or why.

This quote has left me wondering if it’s a cop-out. Is it simply easier for me to think of the downside then to imagine the possibility of the upside?

Aside from the uncharacteristic brutal cold that is gripping my fair home state this week this was a near perfect day for me. The sky was so sharply blue against the winter landscape it looked like it would cut you. There was snow in my yard and on my car when I left the house, just enough to be pretty. My biggest worry was whether or not 7 layers was enough.

At lunch with my dog trainers – my dog and I were complimented, my dog even toasted. The year ahead for him, is looking very bright, and I am in love with the journey. JR said he admired my patience in dog training (if you know me, I’ll wait for you to stop laughing at the idea of me being patient) and wanted to know where I got that. The only answer I had was that I really am enjoying the process. I read my dog well, and when I see him get frustrated, I don’t find myself frustrated, I find myself asking myself, ‘how can I make this clear to him?’. When I see the light bulb go on for him.. I am insanely proud and I catch myself imagining the possibilities. The best ones.

A friend has invited me to run a half marathon with her this spring. If I can just stay injury free, I’m going to make it happen - we are both normally solitary runners. We can and occasionally do run with others which is something I (sort of) enjoy but still feel a little awkward about. Ms. Manners didn’t include a running partner segment in any of her books, and frankly, I suck at being polite when I’m sweating my arse off. This friend though, we are in sync when 900 miles separate us. I have no doubt that running with her will be as natural as lacing my shoes before I start.

Already, there have been opportunities presented to me this year I’ve never even considered. I’m amazed and excited, and yes, a little freaked out, but for the most part, I am happy to see them come my way, grateful for a chance at something bigger than I imagined.

I will not ask for more than moments of contentment with the (scary) unknown things ahead. I’m far more comfortable with my dark side, but this year, maybe I’ll follow some running advice and just “get comfortable being uncomfortable."

If change was easy, it'd be boring.

8 comments:

Her Roo-ness said...

so cool girlie.....
look at what this year has brought.
its all like an avalanche... and i've seen that shit... incredible power. wonder triplet power.

tiff said...

If I could be so bold as to suggest hat you simply be yourself?

Because you are fantabulous and powerful.

BTW - not all power is light. I am just saying, is all.

utenzi said...

Yesterday and today were pretty sunshine wise, Cravey, but I liked Saturday even more. Snow is so pretty as long as you don't have to deal with it on a workday.

rennratt said...

Change is good, my friend.

May 2008 be a wonderful year.

Brianf said...

Looking forward is always a bit scary but I kinda' enjoy looking to the future.
Satchel Paige's famous quote, "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."
Go get 'em, girl!
:)

Sparky said...

Roo - you called it.

Tiff, I've never been anything but, and you know it.

Utenzi!!! Nice to see you, your snow pictures were awesome, but I moved here for the warm weather and I WANT IT BACK.

Renn - Here's hoping

Brian - I love the quote, and it's more appropriate for my life than you know. :)

The Cravey

kenju said...

But I think there is a lot of light under all your dark and scary, Cravey. Maybe you should explore that, too.

db grin said...

Optimist Cravey? Whoa. That sounds scary good.

That's a great quote, but for years I'd seen it attributed to Nelson Mandela (since he quoted it in a speech). No matter who said it, the words ring true for me too.

I'd drink a toast with your dog.