Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I never would have made it as a gymnast. I can’t get the balance right. In any thing never mind on 4” of wood suspended 4 feet in the air.

Lately, it’s all I’ve been thinking about. The need for better balance in my life.

I get busy at work and I can’t turn it off - I come home at night and can only sometimes manage to stay away from my laptop, even if I don’t actually work. I have to log in look at it. Review it. Read and email. Something.

I get wrapped up in fixing something in dog training and I do it to death. Training four-five times a day., until it’s fixed, or at least better. Same thing with horseback riding, I start something and I’m relentless, until it’s better, I’m better, until I reach some level of acceptable that I can only identify when I arrive there. Its.. infuriating.

This problem, is getting worse, not better. I am currently stressing about my job, about showing my dog, jumping “my” horse, money issues/the IRS, and some other personal issues I don’t care so much to hash out here. (This is my happy place. It is so. Shut up.)

I am tired until about noon each day, by 9pm I’m exhausted and can’t wait for bed, I get to bed and I’m awake until 1am, on a good night - I sleep til 6. Most nights? 4 am.

I am tired of the Ferris wheel in my head. It’s not even moving fast enough to be exciting, it’s just relentlessly spinning. And someone tell me why I’m stressed about my hobbies. I love these things, why am I letting them bother me?

This is NEW and I do NOT like it, at all. Like brussel sprouts.


Mojo said...

JC... rockin' the new template, and the hawt new photo... I was wondering when you were gonna put out a new post to go along with it. And here you are!

And I got nothin'.

No clever answers, no keen insights, nothin'.

I wish I did. For reals.

But you got my number (right?)... And my phone's rarely more than arm's reach away. You need a voice in the dark, I'm open 24 hours.

Not much... but it's the best I got.

♥ you. Lots.

kenju said...

I like the new template too. What's making you fixate on those things, Cravey? Bears some thinking about. I wish I could help, but I ain't got a clue.

Her Roo-ness said...

you need to come have pop rocks on the rim of your glass.

seriously. vacation ended funky. so you didn't do the leisurely drive home thing leaving all of your stress with the waves.

i do this shit too, I get it.
do something else an hour or so before bed time. and be disciplined about it... watch supernatural (or maybe not...) or something with some tea (?) shit... i dunno.. i don't drink on the phone (but set a bullshit free zone)
and then bring mojo to see hank. hank will help you line him out. the whole, "i'm ignoring you drives him apeshit."

Maria said...

Helloooooo, so glad to see you on my blog the other day.

I agree with Roo... insert a distraction and make it a fixture just as the other things are. I'm the same way with life, it's all something or the other most of the time and other shit gets pushed back. It wasn't yoga that turned things off for me but swimming. Something magical about the water and not really being able to hear all the chatter in my mind. :-)

p.s. you should try roasting brussel sprouts - with just a little sea salt and olive oil, they taste like potato chips that way!

librarianchick said...

We all go through times where our head spins around without being able to stop's so frustrating and losing sleep just makes it worse. Can you do your hobbies (riding, training) but set aside a day or a time when they are just for fun? Go for a ride when it's NOT about jumping and showing but about doing it for the joy you get from it? Play with your dog instead of training him? As for work...well, it's work. It sucks and it's stressful...but it's just a job. I know i'm the last person to say that, since I'm an obsessor and worrier...but it gets you nowhere. Leave the papers at home, and don't turn on the laptop. Go for a walk and call a friend. Roo's waiting with Hank!

tiff said...

Sounds like you're taking the stressavator all the way to the top, darlin.'

My suggestion would be to quit ALL of it for three day in a row. No training, no horsies, no work, no anything that is an obligation rather than a joy. Clear your head. Turn off the phone. Lock up the computer.

Why, this very weekend might be a good time for that.

If you can't do that, then it's celar we need to go to lunch. With beers.

db grin said...

I can totally relate. I have been like that before, and it ate me up.

So I quit everything and moved to NC, where there hasn't been even a hint of obsessiveness. Possibly the pendulum is too far the other way, but nothing is permanent. It will swing back, I trust - for each of us.

Do you keep a diary? Maybe track how your thinking is going for a cuppa two tree weeks, and spot the triggers or trends?

Lunch with Tiff and beer always work for me, I'd go with that advice.

db grin said...

btw, I do like the new look. And brussels sprouts are off the menu next time you come over.

How do you feel about lima beans?

Cravey said...

Well well, look at all these lovely people... all here saying nice things to me.
Thanks guys. Really.
Mojo - you're a prince, thank you.
Kenju - I'm working on that 'trying to figure it out'
Roo - I'd kill for some pop-rocks on my maguerita glass; and a walk with you and Hank Aaron would be just the fix it.

Maria - SOOO happy to see you, I'm pretty sure, brussel sprouts are going to stay in the hate pile but those pink lemonade cupcakes they couldn't hurt, could they?

Librarian! Hey you!! Thank you for stopping in - it's nice to have you around. :) Thanks.

Tiff, as much as that "sounds" nice I'll never do it. Maybe the work, but with a the dogs first show just about 10 days away, I can't put it aside for 3 days. I can barely set it aside for 30 minutes. Stressavator - indeed. :)
But does that mean I can't meet you for lunch? Cuz that SUCKS.

DB- do i keep a diary? um, db?? you're basically reading it. Yeah, I know pretty sad.
Lunch with Tif is never a bad idea and I loooove me some lima beans.

Thanks again to all of you. :)

tiff said...

All rightie then! Name your day. I'll buy.

Hugs to you my friend - if you can spare the time. :)

Carmi said...

I think it's natural for us to go through periods when it all seems to converge on us. These days, my life seems to be riding the bottom half of the sine wave, and I am doing everything in my power to twist that line back up.

The fact that you're writing about it is a good thing, as you're not willing to passively accept it. I have no magic bullet solutions, but you're already most of the way there to getting your ducks realigned as they should be.

rennratt said...

I am SO emailing you the info on the Butt Toucher.

I promise - a short stretch in PT would do you a world of good. ANYONE at this place would rock for you.

The BT was my favorite, though.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you still... even though it's only a few DAYS since your last post.
Whassup today?