Everyone does some kind of retrospective of the past year, VH1, MSNBC, even BabaWawa (why? why? why?) , and I keep feeling like I need to do something to "wrap up the year." Unfortunately, my life is too tidy to need that kind of review (and if you read my dating review - shut up). If I look inward, my goals for the coming year include running a half and a full marathon, saving more money each month, and spending more time with friends. See?...kinda tidy.. maybe that makes me dull, totally possible.
The news has been full these last few weeks, but I'm so .. over politics that I can't bring myself to write about that. Okay, one thing...I'm really bothered that Saddam's execution was the lead news story yesterday morning, while Gerald Ford was #2. Shouldn't the death of OUR (former) president have been #1?
I'm sad about James Brown. I can't say I was a life-long fan or even know his music beyond the ones everyone knows...but that man had color..and spunk..and I'm sad he's gone.
My mom told me some things over her Christmas visit; she told me her "last expenses" were paid for, her living will was updated, and that she wasn't going to be sad anymore. My mom isn't unwell. She's 74, walks about 4 miles/day, and keeps up with my sisters kids with no problem. The sad part, that's about my brother, her oldest son, on January 5th he will have been dead for 3 years. While the family is healing, we still can't sit down at a table together without feeling his absence like a knife between our ribs. It's just too hard without him. I spoke to him last on New Years Eve 2003, we wished each other a happy new year, and exchanged I love yous. Five days later I was returning a phone call to the Fairfax County Police Department with a sick feeling in my stomach..just knowing this couldn't be good. I don't know if she'll pull it off, the not being sad thing. I can't imagine how she feels losing him, really can't even come close to it. For me, the sadness has been slow to go, but there are days when it's with me..like another person riding in the car with me and no matter how I try, I can't drop it off.
My friend Staci, who's a major source of inspiration (and laughter) for me, said her new years goal was "to live life hard" and I know just what she means. She'd argue the point with me, but this woman, she's fearless. I'll be spending the first weekend of the shiny new year with her and another friend (who will very possibly get us arrested or at least in a fistfight), learning to snowboard. I'm hoping along with some memories I take home some of Staci's fearlessness and zest for living in my duffel bag. She'll share, I know it.
So, it looks like I've got some work to do in the coming year. Maybe tonight, in preparation, I should just get some damn sleep.