Monday, January 1, 2007

A wee confession

I hate, hate, hate clothes shopping. MALL is the only four-letter word that makes me wince. That being said, there are a times when I need to just blow some cash, and have found there are some forms of 'retail therapy' that work for me. Underwear, shoes, lipstick and perfume. Try not to laugh, these totally make sense, there's little need to try anything on, and where underwear is concerned, I can get a lot for my money. I've never been clothes shopping where I came home with something new to wear every single day of the coming week; but when I shop for underwear, I can totally do this. Okay, granted, I don't get to show off my purchases, and if I do, I'm not telling you people about it. Also underwear, perfume and makeup usually come in pretty bags with fun tissue paper. Makes a tomboy feel girlie. It's nice.

So today, I decided to go underwear shopping because nothing says happy new year like new panties, and you know, I got gift cards for Christmas. So off I went.

Now, every time I go into VS there's a handful of men that have been dragged into the store by their wives or girlfriends. Every now and then, you'll catch them looking at other women, but I swear it's in an attempt to not get caught staring at a table full of thongs. Whoever dragged them into the pink pagoda of panties is always trying something on, leaving the poor man stranded. Okay, so here’s the confession. Every time I see this uncomfortable looking guy, I make a point to talk to him. I usually wander over to the table closest to him hold something up and say “whaddya think?” or “do you like this?” Inevitably, they blush and stutter out something about their girlfriend or wife being in the dressing room. If they get this far with me, I follow that up with, “So, does she like girls too?” Today, after that line, I got the best response EVER. He shook his head, swallowed, and said “I need air” and abruptly walked out of the store. I might have ruptured something I was laughing so hard.

This isn’t nice. I shouldn’t be doing this.

I’m sure one day this will backfire on me.


Lace said...

Oh my god that's hilarious. You are cruel. I have seen the men at VS. That's awesome. I hate shopping. I actually can't do it in indoor malls without support. I get sort of sick and dehydrated and there's never anywhere to go to the bathroom. And then there's the people...

Anonymous said...

That was you?

Sorry. Cheap laugh, but somebody had to do it.


Biff Spiffy said...

I was that guy just last month. If you'd tried that on ME, one of three things would have happened:
a: I'd take you up on it
b: I'd pass out and we'd all find out if they have defibrillators on site
c: Mrs. Spiffy would come out at the exact moment you said Hi to me, shoot you a dirty look, kick me in the wobblies, and storm out of the mall.

The way I handle the awkward guy-left-stranded moments is to buy something. Of course, I have to say "It's for her," but it makes it seem like I have a reason to be there.

Wordnerd said...

Um, I like you more every minute, JC! That was a freakin' riot!

tiff said...

You are going to hell.

But take me shopping first.

Biff Spiffy said...

Nice button.

Mine's bigger.

carolinapurl said...

You are my idol.

I don't get why men do that -- if I wanted to go in VS and David was with me, he'd say, "While you do that, I'm gonna go sit in one of those chairs at Sharper Image and get a back rub."

Of course, once while we were grocery shopping, he YELLED at me down a crowded aisle, "Don't forget to get us some RUBBERS!"

Roy said...

I don't get why men do that

I like the way my father handles that. He may or may not browse the shop out of curiosity, but is usually found standing around outside the store. Not impatiently or unhappily--just watching the world go by as he waits for the shopper to finish.

Neil said...

A woman who hates going clothes shopping? Where have you been all my life?

rennratt said...

The more I read, the more I love you.

In a purely platonic way, of course.

tiff said...

renn - step back, she's all MINE!


Biff Spiffy said...

Squee! You got a picture, I got a picture... I'm dancin' around the room because you don't look like Waldo anymore (I wonder how many of your loyal readers would get that?)

And, for the record, you're ultracute.