Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Huh? What's that dearie?

I didn't sleep worth a damn last night, I was awake every couple of hours, just crazy dreams (John Macenroe apparently makes kick ass potato salad) and my crazy insomnia thing that happens from time to to time.

My 6:00 am alarm (aka 5 month old puppy) went off as scheduled.
We played ball before coffee (note: do not try this at home, the manufacturer and our attorneys do not recommend this) I somehow managed to not get bit or step on either one of them (major accomplishment!)

Finally I get to sit down at my kitchen table with my first cup of coffee and log on to company intranet. First order of business - timesheet due by 3 pm today.

The TV is on in the next room and I find myself completely distracted and totally nauseated by the breaking news story that there has been a massive toy recall due to the discovery of "Maggots in the toys"..

I spent an hour trying ot figure out how maggots got into toys - don't ask where my mind went, it's not pretty - then decided I had to know and came out to listen to the whole story. There are "MAGNETS in the toys".

I'm sure magnets are bad.
Maggots are worse.

Pass the coffee pot,
and very possibly, a hearing aid.

13 comments:

roo said...

really. i love you.
i read things weird.
i saw a sign for the big n tasty that mc donalds used to have once and thought it said big nasty (said like i say nasty, right) and it wasn't the oddness of a sandwich call the big nasty that confused me. it was why it would be that sign in the country (being a more urban expression). kelly and mat hated me as they couldn't eat that sandwich anymore.

JustRun said...

I do things like that all the time. Just yesterday while out on a run I saw a sign with verticle letters that said "pipeline" and I asked myself, what's a pip-e-leene? Umm, duh.

No Celery Please said...

OK, this is a disgusting story, but I feel I must tell it in conjunction with this post.

When I was a little kid, (maybe 7 or 8), I had a toy stuffed snake.

It really wasn't a very good toy... it was just a tube of stuffed black fur with googly eyes and a red forked tongue sewed to the end. It was about 8 inches in circumference and about 5 feet long.

Who buys this toy? I have no idea where it came from.

Anyway. IT was a toy and I had it.

Like all toys, this one ended up in odd places sometimes, and one day I went out in the garage and I saw it out there and thought... "Now, what is that snake doing out in the garage?"

I picked it up and brought it back inside to my room, and, being the conscienscious child I was, immediately shoved it under my bed.

I remember it feeling a little crunchy as I carried it upstairs, but I didn't really think anything of it.

Two days later, My sister wnet up to our room (we shared) and let out a scream like you wouldn't believe.

The entire room was FILLED with flies.

Big ones.

Gross ones.

All over the walls and everything else.

Yeah... that snake I brought in from the garage had somehow gotten filled with incipent flies - i.e. - Maggots.

To this day, I am glad of two things...

1) I didn't actually play with the snake that day, just brought him in.

2) Being a little kid, I was not involved in the mass killing and cleaning of flies that subsequently went on. In fact, I have no real idea of how my Mom dealt with it.

I do remember that room full of flies, though... I NEVER brought another toy into the house if it had been left outside for some time.

wordnerd said...

I love this. I love it because it is SO something I would do. Then tell people about it. Then find out what the real story was.

tiff said...

Mmm, maggots.

Next to spiders, maggots are the next-grossest thing ever. Thanks for making me think about them Jen.

Scottsdale Girl said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Maggots.

*shudder*
*retch*

kenju said...

If anyone passes you a hearing aid, ask them for another one for me, okay? I am really going deaf at a rapid pace.

Magnets are bad if they come loose. Did you hear the part about the Chinese factory putting water in some of the toys? Do we want to think about what might be in that water if the toy breaks?? Noooooo.

Anne said...

My hearing's not that great. Sometimes I think I hear some pretty funny stuff. :D

Tracy Kaply said...

Dude, that's just plain funny.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. What happens after you swallow a couple of magnets and begin the digestion process is just as disgusting.

And for a couple years I refused to go to this one restaurant because I thought the name was "La Placenta." Turns out it was la placita. The PLACE.
Roy

Rick said...

What's worse is, when you find out it's not your hearing, it's the way your addled brain does word association. We call it "a senior moment."

rennratt said...

Gross, yes.

I still laughed til I cried!

Biff Spiffy said...

BWAAAAAAH!!!

Awesome.

I helped a friend with his fledgling waste disposal company a couple days one summer (he started with a pickup with wooden sides, now has a fleet of real garbage trucks and a yacht). I'd seen a maggot before, but never experienced them, writhing en masse on a hot summer's day.

Thanks for bringing that memory back up, right after lunch. Jerk.